Stillborn baby's teddy helps parents talk about grief

The teddy bear of a stillborn baby is the star of a book written by a mother dealing with grief.

Ellie Harley-Jones, 31, began drawing in the weeks after she lost Theo in 2021 on the suggestion of her mum, after she was left struggling "to do anything".

While Ellie, from Valley on Anglesey, described the process as cathartic, the book became a way for others to approach her about what she had gone through.

She is now hoping that her illustrated tales of Theo Bear will help even more people open up about their experiences of miscarriage and stillbirth.

"It's a taboo subject, they didn't know what to say to me," Ellie said.

"But the book made it easier for them."

It is based on the adventures of Theo Bear, a teddy bought for her son by his aunt.

Latest figures from the Office for National Statistics showed that four in every 1,000 births in Wales in 2023 were stillbirths, slightly down from 2022.

Miscarriages are not officially recorded, but it is estimated they happen in about 15% of pregnancies.

"People are uncomfortable to talk about it," added Ellie.

But she believes the book had given them an opportunity to open up.

Using creativity to work through grief is something which Philippa Davies can relate.

In 2012, her daughter Sam was stillborn at Wrexham Maelor Hospital at 32 weeks.

Philippa, from Graianrhyd, Denbighshire, went on to found baby loss charity Our Sam to support other bereaved parents.

She, like Ellie, could not leave the house after her daughter died, but as a writer, she turned to creating stories to channel her grief.

Her first book A Cookie for Christmas, was about the pony she bought for her Sam and the adventures she hoped they would have as mum and daughter.

Similarly, she found that writing the book, and later a play about baby loss, encouraged others to talk to her about her daughter.

She said creativity helps people confront difficult subjects they would otherwise avoid.

"It's too painful to go straight at it, you almost have to go sideways, not hit it head on," she added.

"You make it more tangible and it gives a bit of headspace, a bit of distance.

"It makes it more acceptable."

For Philippa, who also experienced four miscarriages, writing helps "fill the parental hole" that remains after such devastating losses.

"It's not just about the loss of the baby, it's the loss of the future you would have had," she added.

"I still struggle with that."

Two years after Theo died, Ellie had her "rainbow baby", a term used for babies born after a loss.

Leo is now 21 months old, and has brought Ellie and her husband Luke "so much joy".

She hopes her book, and others she plans to write, will help raise further awareness about baby loss, and contribute funds to the Sunderland-based charity 4 Louis.

It gave her a memory box following Theo's death so she could keep meaningful items.

Both Ellie and Philippa said writing books inspired by their lost babies has also given them the opportunity to keep talking about their children and saying their names.

Philippa said giving birth to Sam remains "the proudest day of my life" and the "memories and love" would stay with her forever.

"We are still parents," said Ellie.

"Every parent wants to brag about their child, whether they are here or not."