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What should you do if you dislike your friend's partner?

2025-12-06 19:00:07
On the Netflix show Selling Sunset, Chrishell Stause (right) has fallen out with Emma Hernan (left), which has started a debate about friends' partners

It's supposed to be a TV series about Los Angeles' biggest and most beautiful homes - but the people selling them often steal the show. And the latest episodes of Netflix reality series Selling Sunset, now in its ninth season, have started a debate about how to deal with a friend's "toxic" partner.

Two stars of the programme - real estate agents Chrishell Stause and Emma Hernan - have been feuding on and off-camera over Emma's boyfriend Blake Davis, who Chrishell dislikes.

It boiled over during an end-of-season reunion and led to online debates about how, or even whether, you can stay friends with someone whose partner you dislike.

We've spoken to a woman with first-hand experience of that dilemma and two relationship experts about what to do in this tricky situation.

Stause and Hernan became friends by starring on Selling Sunset together
Anna Williamson says it is important to be careful when dealing with friends whose partners we don't like

What if you disagree with the views or values of a friend's partner?

On Selling Sunset, Stause and Hernan argue over Davis's views on politics.

Davis was set to appear on the ninth season of Selling Sunset, but had his scenes cut after another storyline involving Hernan was deemed more relevant. It's not known whether any of the scenes featured disagreements between Davis and Stause, but Hernan has denied that Davis expressed "political views" in front of Stause.

Shaheen-Zaffar says that ultimately you "have to respect individual people's decisions" and "try to remain civil" if you still want that friend to be part of your life. "I think we have developed a culture where if someone doesn't agree with what we think we don't like them," she says.

This is not the advice she says she would give if someone is being openly "bigoted", but more if they just have views you don't agree with. "It takes a lot of self-development and digging deep to understand and accept other people's views," she adds.

Whether you can cope with a friend's partner's conflicting views depends on what "aligns with your values", she says.

Sometimes, a partner's actions may be too much for you - and it can break friendships entirely.

After what happened with Georgia's partner, Hannah came to the conclusion that she could not see her friend again if she chose to stay with him.

"I told her 'I love you, the door is always open but I can't have him in my life' - he wasn't a good, healthy presence and I was very uncomfortable and frightened," Hannah adds.

She says Georgia and her haven't spoken since and the friendship ending "really hurt". She and Georgia had "been friends for a long time and had a lot of fun together" - although she ultimately wouldn't have done anything differently in hindsight, she says.